Sometimes I Just Need to Act

    I watched an episode of the most excellent how-to web series Film Riot today and boy it made me want to be an actor again. I haven't performed in almost ten years.  (Wow!) Every once-in-a-while it hits me, this wave of longing and angst for something I found incredibly fulfilling.  I can go months and even years between the longing, but when it hits it's overwhelming. 

    If you were to ask me why it's been so long the answer is: I've been busy.  From the time I last performed to now, I've had three kids, a couple of mortgages, moved across the country, dealt with the depression and emotional aftermath of a difficult miscarriage, changed jobs six times, and decided to actually finish my bachelor's degree.  I've been busy. 

    I don't regret any of those decisions (or the experiences that resulted) and have done a lot of maturing in that time.  There's been a lot of happiness, a lot of fun, and some pain.  I'm not wishing for a life I never had.  I love my life.  But sometimes I miss some parts that I've chosen to leave behind (even if only temporarily).

    Someday soon I will perform again.  I'll find a little theatre or an independent filmmaker and lose myself for a time in the creative process and make a little art.  It seems incongruous to say, but despite having let the acting muscles lay largely unused I feel like I'll be a better actor when I do return.  The years in-between have given me greater empathy and understanding of myself and those around me.  I can see now a lot of the mistakes I was making. My approach to the craft is going to be significantly different.

    I daresay I'm not the only one out there who's creative life has been on hold for a few years.  (In part starting this ever so cutting edge blog [It'll revolutionize the internet!] is an attempt to fulfill the part of me that loves and needs to write.)   To my fellow Creative-Souls-On-Hold I would only give this small piece of advice: Your time will come just as mine will.  Until then we have our dreams.